When something is not clear,
I feel restless.
I can’t calm down
until I perfectly understand.
But sometimes
information I get is so vague…
that I want to give up
But I know
I can’t give up
because I will still feel restless.
Because
I can’t calm down
until I perfectly understand the case.
So most of the time,
in the moment of confusion,
I take a break by sleeping
and I sleep ALL DAY LONG
until I wake up
only to find out
that I still need to face that shit
And the nightmare begins,
all over again.
until I decide to put it aside when I can do it
or I crack it.
This cycle of hell
I really want it to stop
Just let me understand
Make me understand
Help me understand
BUT HOW???
My brain capacity is
alas
limited.
I wish I can understand
But now I just feel heavy
HEAVY
I want to disappear.
Even if parts of me think it is not a BIG problem
still…
because I can’t understand
I feel restless
and I can’t calm down.
I have to understand
to relieve me from this pain
Please enlighten me God.
I just want to understand.

I’m sorry, I’m ranting like this. I’m just so DONE with it, damnit I don’t know what to do all I want is escape from my real life everything is so confusing and you don’t need to concern yourself with comma or dot because I do it deliberately.

And so I want to post lyric post again but my mood has been plummented today because of various reasons. I believe this job is so not for me. I wanna quit, but I have made commitment that I will stay in this company for at least a year. WHAT TO DO?? SHOULD I BREAK MY COMMITMENT?? UGH I REALLY WANT TO KEEP IT BUT MY HEART CAN’T TAKE IT!


Usually I ran away by sleeping, or reading manga, or transliterating lyric… or singing.. but I can’t seem to do that with my whole heart. BURN. Thank God I still can blogging though. Or else I’ll go mad. I’ll probably skip tomorrow but HOW IRRESPONSIBLE of me if I do that.
Oh God, I’m so done. I need to calm down…

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