Indonesia – 31 March 2016 – 03:55 PM

Wah, I’ve realised I’d been too quiet this month, and today is the last day of March (and tomorrow is April Fool’s Day). I need to post something! I don’t know what to tell, so I guess I’ll rant about my life a little bit.

Firstly, I still have no luck in job. I mean I’ve got quite several chances before, tests and interviews… but I never seemed to score the job. I am still jobless and it makes me ashamed of myself. And so, without me noticing, I’d stayed my hands out of it for a month. Yes. This march is a month where I do nothing at all. I just stayed at home, sleeping all day long. Pretty much useless. And because I didn’t work out, I’m also a bit sick by now. I have stomachache all the time. It’s been a pain.

I am afraid to wake up, but I need to wake up. And when I wake up, I don’t know what should I do, no jobs and all. I don’t like doing chores so I watch, read, and listening to things, but it’s not even fun. Blogging needs internet and computer that’s working and it doesn’t come cheap for me. Downloading things is my hobby but I ran out of my internet quota. The more I think about it, the more I realise that I’m an ass because all I think about is my own misery and what to complain but cannot do the deed.

I’ve come to this point again in my life.

I prayed: ‘God, please give me direction.’ for I have no passion and I don’t know what kind of job it is that I want. All I think about is ‘I want to earn some cash’.

But then I realised God has given me so many directions. When I searched for job, he gave me so many choices, and when I applied to several of them and got called, he gave me options. It was me who was undecided and maybe this feelings showed in my interview, that’s why I kept failing them?

All I think about is: ‘Can I really do that?’ ‘Is it really the one for me?’ and then I sought reassurance to the interviewer: ‘Will I get trained?’ etc., etc., when I think about it now, of course I’ll get trained, they’re quite big company, silly me, but it proves that I’m not ready. Maybe you’ll asked why would I ask this kind of question. The reason for that is because I applied for job that accepts any graduates, so it is the kind of job that will have to learn everything from zero again (banking for example). And so many questions I asked that apparently showed that I was in doubt or incompetence, now I’ve realised.

So I prayed again: ‘Give me jobs that is suitable for me, God.’ because I don’t know what is. I always think I can do the job, always think that I can adapt to the job, but I have difficulty in creating a motivation letter. Whenever I create one, I feel it is a fake and so I stop making it and just lay down for days before I finally sent one after having internet connection and a working computer again. And that also means that I’m unprepared.

I’m so damn confused and listless.

And that’s why March has been a month of no news. No news for me and from me.

And to be honest, I’m working on romanising some Mrs. GREEN APPLE’s songs, but I got bad mood (because of things above) and so I kinda stopped my work altogether. I’m sorry.

And that’s when I start to think maybe I should start creating real skill for myself, and how about being a translator? It’s not bad and I like them so much, it’s just I’m not sure I have enough skill (again, doubt). SO I’m trying to be a translator now (English to Indonesian) and I’m practicing my skill now. I pick an English novel to be translated (because I love story). It’s ‘Alice in Wonderland’, just because I never read it and I kinda curious whether it is as fantastic as people say (anyway, I really like to find those references that Pandora Hearts make from this novel, and I really find it; it’s lifting my mood! :D) I translate it from free edition that is published by Project Gutenberg. I’m not sure if I violate any copyrights by doing this (probably I am), but since I’m not going to distribute it or make money out of it whatsoever, I don’t think I’m in big trouble… (right?) I’ve started  working on it two days ago, and I have translated three chapters. I don’t know if I made a good job but I guess it’s not bad.

Anyway, it gives me chances to be productive, so I am a bit content now.

Maybe while at it, I’ll try to translate article too. That way I can read news (that I’ve avoid like plague now).

So, good day everyone. Wish me luck 🙂