EDIT: 2015.06.05, grammar and typo


2015.06.04 – 07:49 AM – Indonesia

Like the title of this post say… exactly! YAAAY!! YIPPIE!!! HOORAY!!! FINALLY!!!!

Huwe TT___TT hehehe

But the process, the examination itself, was pretty nerve-wrecking. Why? Because they ‘beat me up’ almost severely. I will tell you all about yesterday’s examination.

So, I told you in the previous post that my examiner has been changed, right? From A and B to C and D. You know what? By the day I entered the room, the examiner changed again! I was examined by B and D. And B said that he was a replacement for C. ‘Wait a minute. You are supposed to be my examiner since the beginning!’ is what I thought at the time. I don’t know what had happened, but oh well…

B is the lecturer that I consider an expert in economic study (in which the economic part in my UT only filled roughly 1/4 .) And D is the lecturer I said I know a bit well since he is the one who taught my seminar class (a pre-condition course before you can take undergraduate thesis course).

Since my english is not that good, I stuttered along the way, trying to find what words I wanted to convey in english. But as the presentation progressing… I think I did fine (sometimes I blanked out, trying to process what they said but in the end, it’s okay.)

Then examination’s time! The first time I realised that, I anticipated them excitedly.

But then their questions after questions slowly put my anticipation on edge. They found flaws in my abstract, chapter 1 (introduction) and chapter 5 (conclusion). Aren’t those the chapters that’s really important? I messed it up!

And I have difficulty in defending my Undergraduate Thesis (UT). That’s BIG PROBLEM.

My UT’s problem lied in the basic. The very concept I used… I used ‘effect’ as a concept in my title, but then I also used ‘impact’, and ‘affect’ in my UT’s chapter and abstract; thus they asked me about it. “What is it that you want?” they once said. In a simple paper those kind of differences (maybe) is not that big of a deal, but it is A BIG DEAL in research such as UT. “‘effect’, ‘impact’, ‘influence’ may bear some resemblance, but they are really different.”

I knew I would be beaten up because my theoretical framework has not solid yet. I myself afraid of it that I keep stalling my time, trying to find a better theory… but… concept! Damnit, I never thought there would be problem with the concept; never thought it would be this fatal!

And he went to a great length at explaining the differences. I just nodded while trying to process it in my head. I think I get what it is… but I still don’t know precisely what the differences between those three concept. Even Oxford Dictionary could not give me a better explanation about it! I am still grasping in the dark (and I’ll ask my supervisor later on).

They also attacked my research method. I used qualitative case study research. Then they told me that as far as they’ve read, my UT was not a ‘qualitative’ in method but ‘quantitative’. They asked me to defend my UT by telling them what made me use ‘qualitative’ instead.

Well… it’s qualitative because I cannot get the data directly by myself. Besides, I produced a thick description for my research meanwhile I always believe that quantitative means that the research will produce the result in number.

And they looked like they disagreed with me. ‘Research method and data collecting is a different matter’ they said, and I realised, ‘yes, how could I be so stupid by giving them that kind of answer!’ They asked me to find more references about this matter; meaning I have to find a better argumentation if I really wanted to stick with qualitative method.

Again they asked me about the objective of my research. They pointed out my mistake. “In chapter one, you wrote that the objective is ‘to describe the effect…’ but then in the abstract, you wrote that ‘this research would like to observe the effect…’ so again, what is it that you want? to describe or to observe?”

AAAH GOD!!!!

And there’s more questions that they’ve challenged me at that time but it bore little importance compared to what I’ve written here in this post.

After the examination’s time over, they went out of the room, doing their next business. On the other hand, I as well as other students who also got examine that day, waited for the end of today examination session (called ‘yudisium’ in Indonesian) so we could know our score – whether we passed or not, and if we were, how good.

While waiting, I texted my supervisor. I texted him: ‘Sir, my examination was a bit of chaos, wasn’t it?’

He answered: ‘yes, it was chaos, hehe’

TT__TT Oh well.

Then I as well as the last examiner (B), found out that I was indeed the last student on the list for today’s examination. So, he called for ‘yudisium’ session, asking us to gather in the room. He told us our score one by one. He even joked to some of us (me included), asking whether we would like to take this course again in the next semester. Oh the nightmare! ‘I have extended! I need no more! Please no!’

And it was a joke. CRUEL JOKE! I passed and got ‘A’, the highest appreciation one could get for a score. You see, the score in Indonesia’s universities (and high school alike) is divided into five categories which are A (super good), B (good), C (enough / barely good), D (bad), and E (fail). I was afraid I got ‘B’ because they’ve beaten me up and I barely could defend my UT, but I got ‘A’ instead. By the time I know my score, I was nearly crying.

And I really did it when I got out of the room and got cheer by my friends. Their reaction is the one that made me shed tears, more than the fact that I’ve just got myself beaten up in the room or that I actually got ‘A’. The power of people’s warmness… is really indescribable. (Even though I resolved myself not to cry, it’s embarrassing.)

I and my friends hung out a bit, discussing about my examination earlier. After that we parted ways. I chose solitude with my laptop to surf something on the internet. BUT the laptop worked so slowly; could not help my mood at all. And so I listened to DEEN’s music to calm my heart that has been frantically uneasy.

By the time I got home, I looked up at the sky and found a big red moon (not really red, but it’s considered red) with dark cloud surrounding it. It was beautiful! And I personally think it was God’s gift for me. I don’t know what that kind of moon means, but I love it. I wanted to take a picture of it, just to keep myself remembered that I got a gift like that from God… Aah, my camera… again… is my problem.

My parents congratulated me, my little sister too… my big sisters over the chat (since they lived in another cities), my friends and my relatives congratulated also me over the chat, Facebook’s likes, and phone call. My mom even bought me chocolate bar for a change. I really appreciated it.

All in all, it’s a pretty ordinary day with some nice flavor in it. A day to remember.

So what about today? Today I am going to consult the revision with my supervisor. Some of my friends said I should just enjoy my freedom a bit more before doing the revision. Some of my lecturers also have the same opinion. But I think, if I could get away with it fast, it would be much better. Besides, I think the process of revision itself will be longer. So, I don’t think it is wrong to get on with it now.

PS: I actually want to post this story yesterday, exactly after I’ve been examined, but my laptop chose to idle (red: hang), and could not open wordpress without slacking for minutes. Can you imagine that I have typed some letters and the letters only appeared on the screen after several minutes?? That’s totally frustrating. Idk why, but my laptop likes to acting like that most of the time. Sometimes I want to throw my laptop away due to its slowness (it’s old), but I know I can’t do that. Aah, dilemma…

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